I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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