Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
