the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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