I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
