ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
