The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
