So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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