exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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