Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize