I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
