Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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