Kareoke will never be a sober sport
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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