Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
