my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
