Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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