the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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