Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
