Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
