I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
