white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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