Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
