Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
