This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
