I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
