We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
