It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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