so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
