Have you finally orgasmed yet?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
