something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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