He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
