im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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