I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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