My room smells like vodka and shame
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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