So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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