I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize