I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
