dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I forget how to act sober
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