Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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