There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize