I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
