I met the friendliest cop last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
