I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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