Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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