rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
