seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
