Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love having hate sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
