I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize