You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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