my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
