Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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