Duck Duck Cougar?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
