he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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