btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
