Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
