I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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