While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
