nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
