Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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