OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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