In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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