Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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