Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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