all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
