I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
