Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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