I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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