I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
