If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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