Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
