Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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