Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
